I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
