the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
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