I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
