I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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