White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
