the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize