apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
