Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
