You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Randomize
