i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She bit a glass in half.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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