just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
