It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
