im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
