It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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