well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
