and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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