I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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