i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
