I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
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This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
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Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I still have a little drunk in my system
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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