if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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