i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
