I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
