Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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