I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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