I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You made out with two different species that night
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
