great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
