next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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