i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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