I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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