next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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