So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
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I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
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I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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