Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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