I have demons in me.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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