We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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