You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
