He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
