I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
