I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
3 2 1 whiskey
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
