I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
