im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
