I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
