i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
