Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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