If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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