you win again, gameday.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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