what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
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