I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
