so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
