I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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