Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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