farters have to be the big spoon...
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
