By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
