some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
