Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just forgot I was standing up.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
