I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
