Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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