Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
