I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
