He uses pillows to masturbate.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
