Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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